Posts Tagged ‘rant’

You Are In No Position To Judge Me

Normally, when you say “you are in no position to judge me”, it sounds cool. You’re talking to someone and standing up for yourself. In my case, however, the person I’m saying this to is someone who shouldn’t be hearing this: my psychiatrist.

Basically, two people are following me. One is my actual therapist. She is the one I meet regularly, two to four times per month. She knows many details of my offline life and so on. If I mention the name of someone close to me, she’ll know who that person is and quite a lot about our relationship.

The other one is my psychiatrist. Because of hierarchy, she is the one who is really in charge. She is the one who decides what treatment is better for me, whether or not I need a treatment at all, whether my medication is appropriate, etc. The problem, though, is that she doesn’t fucking know me. I see her once per several months. Today, I learned that she is thinking of closing my file because my depression is over. No shit! See the date? February 2007? Yeah, that’s the one. It’s been almost two years and I have recovered already! Such progress for health science.

Sarcasm aside, this basically sucks. She knows practically nothing about me. She gets at most one hour for a quick summary of my life during the time we haven’t seen each other. And what does she gather from this? She thinks I’m just a tad bit lazy and merely need a better alarm clock or something.

Never mind the days where I get up easily, get fully ready for work…and end up staying home because I’m afraid of panicking if I go outside.

Never mind my total lack of responsibility and the complete confusion I find myself in when I’m confronted to important decisions. And I do not mean seeing good and bad things in all the choices laid before me, I mean being completely unable to think about the situation.

Never mind my chronic sleep problems, my nightmares and my phobias.

No, no, this is all temporary stuff. It’s only been a bit over 10 years, after all! I’m good to go.


Things That Just Don’t Work On The Internet

I just need a bit of ranting.

  • Multi-colored capchtas. It’s already a pain in the butt trying to read an ordinary catpcha, with horizontal, same-sized letters, in shades of gray. When you make it multi-colored too (with a colored background and letters in different color), you’re making it harder for the average person. Also, you’re making it practically impossible to read for someone with an eye problem such as color blindness.
  • Close lettered captchas. I could list a million possible problems with captchas, but I’ll go only with the previous one and this one. It’s already hard to know if it’s a ‘zero’ (0) or an O, if the letter is uppercase or lowercase, if it’s a diagonal Z or a diagonal N, and you decide that the letters will be touching each others. Congratulations, now I just want to close the tab and move on to a different site.
  • SnapShot Page Previews. I can maybe perhaps do lots of efforts to try understanding the idea behind providing a preview of sites to your visitors. There are however problems with that. First, not every site in the world has a preview. Second, it is so damn slow. It’s been forever since I last used a slow phone connection, but I still can’t bear to wait for your stupid snapshots to load. When I put my mouse over a link, I’m expecting to see the hand cursor, with maybe a minor hover effect and a simple title, not have to wait for a preview to load. I just really don’t see the point in the end. “It makes visitors trust your site”. No, it doesn’t. It just tells me what the site I’m about to visit might look like, because it once did. In no way does it tell me how very awesome is the owner of the site I’m currently visiting.
  • Keywords power! Some time ago, meta tags were implemented. You could fill them with keywords and a description relating to your site, in an attempt to boost your search engine rank. However, with time, people have learned that search engines, notably Google, barely rely on these at all because of how people loved to boost them with irrelevant keywords to get hit. So what do people do now? They place keywords all over the fucking place. “Dream personal site personal about me Julie Canadian girl female Asperger Syndrome Asperger’s Asperger Autism autistic disease mental illness mental disease ocd obsessive compulsive disorder ocd oc disorder tutorials reviews movie reviews movies game reviews game gaming gamer gamers” would be the new text to display in my title bar. A good link to my site wouldn’t show in the title something like “Dream, Julie’s personal site”, but rather “Dream, Julie personal site” with a million more keywords afterwards. And that just bug me. A lot. We’re back to what I call cheap SEO ways. Why? Because they’re not frank, in my opinion, and worse of all, they are not practical. Usability and practicability are two very fun things I wish people wouldn’t forget about.

Who turned this place into an oven?

I arrived from work less than half an hour ago covered in sweat. And I really mean covered. I was becoming sweat. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this disgusting in my life.

It’s not just that it’s hot, it’s that it’s terribly humid. I absolutely hate humidity. It makes me feel a lot of discomfort. I always scrub myself until I’m red after taking a shower.

Speaking of which, I just took a shower, of course. A cold shower. My showers are always the opposite of the weather (except for the humid part…).

Now I must cook. Not that I really need to. I’m sure if I leave the rice on the counter, it will be perfect in about 20 minutes, cooked and all that.

Heat and Vacuum-Cleaners

I can never remember how to spell those things. I always put two Cs in.

Anyway, a rant and another cat story. I have a text in mind to write down and post, but it’s late and I must work tomorrow, so I’ll vent off and all that.

I usually keep my bedroom door open. It’s almost only shut down when I dress up. If I close it a bit when I go to bed (I always leave a crack for the cat), I’m sure it will be open after less than an hour because my cat will get in and/or out. The heater has been off for over two weeks. Same in other rooms. But it’s hot in my bedroom. I left the window open all night long. This morning, it was quite cold so I shut it down. Tonight it was already far too hot. I blame the neighbors. They must use the room adjacent to my bedroom as an oven.

Earlier tonight, I was playing with my cat. Or rather, she came up to me with her mouse so I lazily threw it around to play “fetch” while I was playing on the DS. She always brings it back. She’s very happy to go and get it, she jumps, crossing whatever is in her way. But today she got scared for life.

It just so happens that the vacuum-cleaner is in my bedroom, plugged in and lying down on the floor. I threw the mouse on the other side of it. Naturally, my cat had to pass this way…She jumped straight on the “Start” button. Needless to say she ran to hide and even didn’t want me to approach her for some time. She eventually came back to me with her mouse, because her love of playing that game is extremely strong, but she was walking very slowly and refused to leave the bed to get the toy. Poor thing. She deserves it.

Unwanted Visit

Everyone gets an unwanted visitor once in a while. For some, it’s the huissier, for others it’s a Jehovah witness with his Bible. For me, it’s my mother.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have big arguments with my mother, she never molested me, she never left me starving in the streets. We just aren’t compatible.

She was brought up by a very catholic man (that would be my grandfather, of course) and, while her views might be slightly more liberal than his, she remains a very religious person. That is already quite enough to make me uneasy. I have no wish to hear her babble about God, Jesus and angels.

She puts a lot of pressure on my shoulders. I know that her intents are not bad. She wishes me to get a job and go to school, both of which are quite normal things for the mother of a 19-year-old girl. The thing is, I can’t handle pressure coming from her. I tend to slip away and avoid everything she asks of me. I’m such a rebellious little girl.

Then, of course, comes the problem of schedule. As a good brought-up-on-a-farm woman, and also as a school principal (and previous school teacher), she always gets up early and goes to bed early. If anyone has taken the time to watch my schedule a bit of late, you will have noticed that I am up at night and sleep during the day. Therefore, not only is it a bit hard for us to find a time where we both are awoken, I cannot do things I usually do, such as playing Final Fantasy V around 1-3 a.m., because she sleeps on the couch, the only place available.

I won’t make her sleep in my bed because 1) we don’t sleep at the same time, 2) I’m a computer addict and my computer is in my bedroom, so I couldn’t use it if she were sleeping and vice-versa and 3) it’s my bed. I hate having company (beside cats and non-relatives).

She’s leaving Thursday. She could have left tomorrow, but I doubt she will, with all the snow that is falling right now.

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