You Are In No Position To Judge Me

Normally, when you say “you are in no position to judge me”, it sounds cool. You’re talking to someone and standing up for yourself. In my case, however, the person I’m saying this to is someone who shouldn’t be hearing this: my psychiatrist.

Basically, two people are following me. One is my actual therapist. She is the one I meet regularly, two to four times per month. She knows many details of my offline life and so on. If I mention the name of someone close to me, she’ll know who that person is and quite a lot about our relationship.

The other one is my psychiatrist. Because of hierarchy, she is the one who is really in charge. She is the one who decides what treatment is better for me, whether or not I need a treatment at all, whether my medication is appropriate, etc. The problem, though, is that she doesn’t fucking know me. I see her once per several months. Today, I learned that she is thinking of closing my file because my depression is over. No shit! See the date? February 2007? Yeah, that’s the one. It’s been almost two years and I have recovered already! Such progress for health science.

Sarcasm aside, this basically sucks. She knows practically nothing about me. She gets at most one hour for a quick summary of my life during the time we haven’t seen each other. And what does she gather from this? She thinks I’m just a tad bit lazy and merely need a better alarm clock or something.

Never mind the days where I get up easily, get fully ready for work…and end up staying home because I’m afraid of panicking if I go outside.

Never mind my total lack of responsibility and the complete confusion I find myself in when I’m confronted to important decisions. And I do not mean seeing good and bad things in all the choices laid before me, I mean being completely unable to think about the situation.

Never mind my chronic sleep problems, my nightmares and my phobias.

No, no, this is all temporary stuff. It’s only been a bit over 10 years, after all! I’m good to go.

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4 Comments »

  1. worldangel Said:

    I used to go for this counseling session once a week where I will spend an hour or two talking about my life during the week…I actually found that it didn’t really do me any good so I kinda stopped telling her every detail after a while and just told her that I was doing well when actually I was still feeling like shit. Same as yours, my counselor closed my case after around a year and declared me well enough to not come back anymore. I actually recovered around a few months later though, but via another method.

  2. Nat Marie Said:

    Since 2003, this has been the story of my life. My therapist knows me more, and my psychiatrist (a.k.a. quack) knows very little, because I see him for all of 15 minutes every month.

    I sympathize. Depression doesn’t go away in a year. Like I said, I’ve been dealing with it for 5 years now, and I still need some help. It’s a constant recovery process, so I don’t know what your doctor’s thinking, but it might come back to bite her in the ass.

  3. Julie Said:

    My regular therapy really does me good and helps me. Else I guess I wouldn’t care much for the fact that my psychiatrist is, to say it plainly, incompetent (at least in my case).

  4. Kaylee Said:

    It sucks when someone ‘higher up’ has the authority, yet lacks the insight to do the right thing 😦 Can your therapist make a recommendation to the psychiatrist or something? I assume she’s tried already…

    I hope things get better, Julie ❤


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