Top Things Not To Do

I thought that, since I am growing quite old and might have little time in the future to give humans some advice, I could post here some actions one should be careful not to do. I called it a “top list” but it’s not really a top list. It’s just a list.

Number 1: search your sister’s drawers for a shirt to borrow. Searching in them is not so bad, but be careful not to look in the lowest one. You might find bizarre objects that shall remain unnamed and have the shape of a…cucumber, as well as strange toys that start vibrating when you click on a button.

Number 2: accept befriending a guy who likes you just because you said you use Firefox and, even better, then started saying you owned a website which was coded in XHTML. You might end up relying on him to give the session work to your teacher only to realize too late that he didn’t actually give it and have to give only your part, so an incomplete work, to the teacher, the day after the date it was due.

Number 3: make your parents realize you like Doritos. Your mom will buy you some every week, forcing you implicitly to eat the whole bag in a couple of day, making her buy another bag next week. Your father, if he ends up doing the grocery, will buy two bags.

Number 4: hope for the guy you loved and who pissed you off to suffer. His parents will divorce after his father has been unfaithful, his only brother will die in a car crash and he will have a ski-doo crash, making him unable to do his job anymore.

Number 5: download Kazaa or Kazaa Lite. Even before you start downloading or even searching for any file, it will install adware and spyware to your computer, giving Adaware and Spybot a lot of work to do.

Number 6: be obsessive-compulsive. First, you’ll quietly be careful for your right foot to be the one landing on the last step of any flight of stairs. Then you’ll avoid certain colors of tiles on the kitchen floor, refuse being touched, refuse people touching your objects, strike both sides of your head even if only ones needs to be, make the same amount of steps with every foot each day, make sure your nails are perfect every thirty seconds, make such lists as this one, redo your joined fanlistings every two months so they will be organized perfectly…


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