So Late

Already May 20th (I accidently wrote Mad at first). Time is passing by too quickly.

Back in February, I had gone to the hospital. Shortly after, I got a phone call saying my case (that is, my mental state) had been judged as prioritary by the staff. So, as it was an emergency, I got an appointment for May 1st. I’ve seen the psychoeducator (is this an English word?) twice alone and once with my parents. I’ve seen her again along with the psychiatrist last Thursday, again with my parents. I’m quite optimistic because, although they’re still saying I must take my pills, they are talking about real strategies to get rid of my fears, reduce my anxiety and help me reduce my compulsions.

Speaking of compulsions, I am converting my joined fanlistings to 75×50 buttons. That’s fucking long.

My mom hires a woman every year to clean the walls and ceilings. She did my room, of course, and she turned it into a mess. Not a mess as in what my mom would consider a mess, but as in different. She exchanged my two clothes bureaus – I don’t care whether bureau is the right word, – she turned another piece of furniture around, making the drawers face my bed, making it impossible to search for anything in them without climbing on my bed, she moved my bed table way off the bed near the window, and she moved my books all over my bookcase. They are all lined up, but they are not where they belong.

I have projects for this site. During the summer, I’ll redo the entire content from scratch, reducing the amount of pages and adding more writings, and I’ll completely change the layout. I’d like to try something more unique and closer to nature. I’ll quite probably be using pictures I’ve taken.

My sleep is really weird…I can’t fall asleep at night, and I sleep until very late the next day. I woke up at noon this morning, which was not my intention. Yesterday, I had troubles falling asleep because I started crying when I thought that summer was coming soon and that I had risks of never seeing Vincent again.

I’m in a pretty bad mood today, which is something that hasn’t happened for some time. I’ve been in a rather good and optimistic mood. Even after I learned bad, bad news. My best friend is taking part in the Katimavik program, which ends on July 5th. The other day, she told me she did not intend to come back on July 5th. She had projects furhter away. She’s leaving with a guy she met while she was gone. Son of a bitch. I’m losing the guy I love, my best friend, the new friends I had made myself, my home, my habits all at the same time. Wonderful.

I went really down the next day, crying at school and all. But guess how I was two days after learning? Smiling again like…like a girl who has no reason to cry, whereas I do have reasons to.

It appears I also have good reasons to babble, so I’ll shut up now.


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