Dream

People are doing strange things. At least, my cat is true to herself and her kind. She threw up at the door of my bedroom and in the bathroom. The latter included an elastic. I don’t remember making elastics a part of her diet.

My mother is gone, she left this morning. Woah, I’m getting days all confused because my schedule is confused…Anyway, her visit was not all bad, as my post-before-the-previous-one could make it out to be. She isn’t a bad person at all, it’s just that she doesn’t “avoir le tour”, as we say in French. She is not Julie-compatible and that’s not a good thing for accessibility and to make happy visitors (well, happy owners since she was the visitor in that case!).

She called the government to arrange for my medication insurance. They give a refund for all medication bought in the past three months. I received 98,69$ cash! I went to get it this afternoon at the drugstore. When the woman was done giving it to me, she said “thanks”. I was like, “What? Thanks? But YOU are the one who just gave me 98,69$! I’m the one who says THAAAAAAANKKKKKKKKKKSSSS!11!11!11!11!ONE”

I also sent in a subscription form to a college. I also sent an email to get an appointment with another potential school, but I still haven’t received a reply.

I had my group therapy today. It went quite well. They finally gave me some documents I have been wanting for months. I meant to ask eventually, but, well, it’s me, so I kept putting it off. I was actually offered them today, by one of the therapist, and I was quite glad. I didn’t admit to having wanted them for so long.

They are documents to help deal with relationships. The top of the document says that it is especially for people with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have good reasons to believe I might have it, or something similar, but I have never gotten around to talking to my psychiatrist about it. Sometimes, anyway, you can only have one diagnosis or the other, as some are not “compatible”. For example, you cannot be schizophrenic if most of the symptoms are due to drugs. I don’t know if you can be both Borderline and Asperger.

Speaking of psychiatrist, I must get an appointment with her. I have fewer than 15 days left before I run out of medication. I can probably get a few more if I go to the drugstore and insist nicely, but not a lot. I just hope she hasn’t taken a vacation that just happens to be during that period. My therapist (the one I see alone) and one of the group therapists both are taking vacation now or in the next weeks, so I guess we’re during some sort of vacation spree at the hospital.

While there are plenty of things I wish I could own, not all of them are really “necessary”, in the sense that my mother means it. I’m going to make a list of some of the things I must buy once I get my first pay check (some need to be bought before, actually).

• A pair of winter boots. They must be comfortable enough to walk about half an hour to work and the same on the way back. I also can take longer walks. They must be warm. They must be good both for going to work, where I want to appear “clean” and for some outdoor time. I want them to be black and have no heels. If not black, then brown or blue. White winter boots need to be shoved up their maker’s ass.
• A pair of black pants. Nothing too fancy here, just a nice pair of pants that I can wear to work, but that I wouldn’t feel guilty for wearing at home because they aren’t extra-expensive and fragile.
• A pair of beige pants. Pretty much the same as the above.
• A pair of jeans. I have one already, but I love wearing jeans, so having an extra pair wouldn’t be too much, I believe. This one will wait for the other two pairs, though.
• Some nice shirts. Again, I would wear them to work, but they must be of good quality so that I can wear them casually. Besides, my job doesn’t have a specific dress code, so they just need to be to my taste, not to be bought at Mexx or something.
• Several pairs of socks. It is a celebration whenever I manage to find two socks that belong together, even more so if both are unbroken. I want some plain black pairs and a couple of “fancy” pairs, with kittens and the like. Oh, speaking of socks, I realized the other day that I actually do have both my giraffe socks! Yay!
• Underwear/panties. I don’t have many left, and some are falling to pieces. I need nice panties in case I get laid get hit by a bus.
• Bras. I haven’t gained an inch in over 8 years, but my breasts certainly grew bigger since I last bought bras. I’m tired of the four-boobs syndrome.
• Knives. We have a serious lack of knives here.
• Glasses. Same as the above.
• A lamp for the living room. If we wish to light up the living room, we need to either a) turn on the light in the kitchen, which isn’t very efficient as it only lights around the TV or b) turn on the light in the corridor. There are three light bulbs downstairs and once again, they don’t light up the living room all that well. Turning on this light also turns on the one in the corridor upstairs.

Everyone gets an unwanted visitor once in a while. For some, it’s the huissier, for others it’s a Jehovah witness with his Bible. For me, it’s my mother.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have big arguments with my mother, she never molested me, she never left me starving in the streets. We just aren’t compatible.

She was brought up by a very catholic man (that would be my grandfather, of course) and, while her views might be slightly more liberal than his, she remains a very religious person. That is already quite enough to make me uneasy. I have no wish to hear her babble about God, Jesus and angels.

She puts a lot of pressure on my shoulders. I know that her intents are not bad. She wishes me to get a job and go to school, both of which are quite normal things for the mother of a 19-year-old girl. The thing is, I can’t handle pressure coming from her. I tend to slip away and avoid everything she asks of me. I’m such a rebellious little girl.

Then, of course, comes the problem of schedule. As a good brought-up-on-a-farm woman, and also as a school principal (and previous school teacher), she always gets up early and goes to bed early. If anyone has taken the time to watch my schedule a bit of late, you will have noticed that I am up at night and sleep during the day. Therefore, not only is it a bit hard for us to find a time where we both are awoken, I cannot do things I usually do, such as playing Final Fantasy V around 1-3 a.m., because she sleeps on the couch, the only place available.

I won’t make her sleep in my bed because 1) we don’t sleep at the same time, 2) I’m a computer addict and my computer is in my bedroom, so I couldn’t use it if she were sleeping and vice-versa and 3) it’s my bed. I hate having company (beside cats and non-relatives).

She’s leaving Thursday. She could have left tomorrow, but I doubt she will, with all the snow that is falling right now.

Things have been quite hectic here of late. I will not post any details here because, well, this is a public blog anyone could read. Some of you should know where to find me

Let’s just say that I’m in need of a place to live—and preferably a roommate—for next year. I don’t believe I’ll keep my current apartment. I would need two roommates, because there’s no way I would pay the rent on my own, or just divided into two people. I don’t think I would be able to find two roommates that quickly.

I have several things to sort out: medication insurance, appointments to take, etc. I feel overloaded again. My poor kitty will surely feel lost when we move out. She’s scared of everything, it will be quite a shock to be in a whole new place with entirely new smells.

I just fixed a few errors in the previous post, that were due to my forgetting to escape HTML entities in some parts of code. Everything should be showing up fine now.

You might also have noticed that I changed the site title from “As A Dream” to just “Dream”. I prefer the shorter version. I like dreaming.

ETA. That’s odd…I had noticed that some of my fanlisting topics were showing, for example as “green” instead of how I would normally have written them, that is “eyes: green”. I thought it was some sort of weird choice I had made some time ago. But just now I checked a page I had just finished editing, knowing very well that’s how I had formatted my titles and alt texts, and poof! everything before the colon and the colon itself was gone, in every instance of these. Now what does this happen? Isn’t it really normal to use “something: description” as a format for title attributes? Why add some code to keep it from working?

Oh and, not that you really care, but I fixed the sidebar, as it was showing an empty Blogroll.