Dream

I was unable to fall asleep before something like 9 a.m., partly because I was talking about sex on Snark and partly because I was worried about my kitten.

Once I got up, I had to call the vet about a hundred times because the line was always busy. I finally was able to go.

Beatrice is not exactly at her full adult size yet, but she still is rather heavy to carry in her cage. My arms were tired and my hands are irritated from holding the cage. It was also really hot too, so I got rather tired.

The vet examinated her and asked some questions, mostly things I had already observed and been reassured by their good state (e.g. she ate and didn’t vomit).

He found that she wasn’t injured, except some minor scratches around her nose and mouth. It’s nothing more serious than, say, the injury you could get from falling off in roller skates.

The evaluation cost $45 CAN. FORTY FIVE? That hurt more than the accident.

Beatrice is right by now. She moves from one box to another to find some place to sleep. She tried the recycling box, then a red plastic box, now she’s in yet another…she’s cute.

Rambling rocks.

I live in a two-floor apartment. The bottom-most one is on the second floor of the building (and the other one on the third floor, of course).

Leading to the backyard is what is called an “emergency staircase”: a very tiny metal, sweeping staircase which is guaranteed to kill you if you run down it while there is fire. This staircase allows us to reach a long but not large gallery which a glassed door* separates from our apartment. The stairs, however, also continue up to a small balcony upstairs. From the upstairs bathroom of my apartment, I can theoretically take the exit on this balcony and walk down the stairs in case of an emergency. Of course, this means passing through an extremely small window, which is located rather high up the wall.

I have a very cute kitten (with thumbs!) who will be 1 year old in August, around the same time as my 19th birthday. She’s very easily scared and will let pretty much nobody but myself approach her. However, of course, she’s also a kitten, so she’s curious and likes to explore.

I somehow had the idea of letting her go outside. At first, I watched her closely. I didn’t want her to wander too far off and I know she could get scared if someone came or something like that. So I sat there with her. However, it was pretty hot outside, so I came back inside and let her alone, leaving the door open so she could come back in if she felt like it. That was really stupid of me.

She’s thin enough to pass through the bars of the gallery. From there, she could jump on the roof of a shed just below, and access the neighbor’s gallery (in the same block as I live). I went to get her there (lots of pretty plants to take a shit in), but I decided to let her climb up the stairs on her own.

I thought that, well, if wandering around and smelling things is all that interests her, I could as well return inside and watch her climb the second part of the stairs. I thought ‘Hey, it would be cool if I waited for her in the bathroom upstairs and let her in through the window. She’d think it’s so cool to climb up from outdoors like that.’

So, because I lack stupid acts in my life, I went indoors and watched her climb up. She reached some of the top steps…and then she was the one to do something stupid. Instead of climbing up the rest of the stairs and coming to me, she jumped onto the gallery’s roof. It’s inclined, so she had a hard time holding on to it and meowed her throat out. I was glad I hadn’t cut off her claws, as she could cling to the roof. Of course, she was in a rather panicking state. She would see me through the window and couldn’t quite figure out how to make it to the other side.

She was under the balcony, so she couldn’t just dissolve to pass through the bars (she could pass through the handrail bars, but not through the tiny bars that form the floor). I thought up of two ways she could have been safe. First, she could have kept moving to the left and climbed up onto the balcony, but that was dangerous, scary and hard to explain to a kitty. So I went with trying the second option. I went into the stairs and started calling her out. I was a bit panicking, but I know she was hearing me, and I’m quite sure she was only longing to get off of there. But she was also scared and couldn’t control her movements quite well. She would sometimes slip off a little, and always return as high as possible. She never really seemed to be moving towards me.

I didn’t really know what else to do, so I just kept calling her, in the hope that she would understand. She could easily have jumped onto me. She would have clung her claws into my skin, but it would have been much more relaxing than what happened next.

She fell off the roof. She made a two-floor fall onto cement.

I cried out as she fell. I never cried out but I was so scared for her!

I ran to get her, she was so scared. She ran and jumped onto the nearest window she found. I brought her back in and checked whether she was hurt. Her legs seem okay, but a few minutes ago I noticed she got blood under her nose. Even if she had had nothing, I would have taken her to the vet tomorrow, but now I feel even more as it is my duty.

I feel so stupid for letting her out there without watching her…

*a “patio door” in Quebec, I am not sure of the English name. They are large doors made only of glass (and plastic to hold the glass…).

Edit. I’m placing “Heather Locklear” on my list of spam words for the moment because I keep getting spam referring to her. So if for some reason you think that Heather Lockler has anything to do with my blog and want to tell me about her, find some way to get around the spam blocker (by spacing out her name, for example).

I hate how some people behave in relation to what some people post about. I’m referring more specifically to the way most people react to Janet’s site.

I’m sick and tired of seeing people being rude, calling her a retard, mocking her for having a therapy, etc. Shut the fuck up.

Some people got mental diseases and it’s a good thing to talk about it, to let it out.

I’m not talking about her coding or anything, I don’t really care at the moment, in fact. What I’m pissed off about is people’s reaction to her, like she was some worthless person with nothing of interest.

There are people in the world who suffer, and maybe it’s fucking time you stop trying to take us down and actually accept us as we are. I’m not talking about ass-kissing or spending your whole fucking time telling us that “zomg you’re sooo great i lyke tutally luv u!11!” I’m talking about shutting the fuck up with your goddamn insults.

When I post about mental problems, I’m not expecting to have 50 people commenting to tell me that they’re totally sorry and really wish I’m gonna be better. I’m just venting out because it’s an important issue for me. Other people are saying that Fark Oath is shit, well I’m saying that phobias suck.

Another thing that pissed me off in the past month was someone’s post on a message board talking about how she was in pain and nobody cared. She immediately proceeded to say that she was referring to physical pain, not emotional, as she isn’t an emo person. Why is it wrong to speak about emotional pain? I’m not talking about the crappy .tk site I found the other day, where the owners posted extremely crappy poems and talked constantly about their pain and cutting themselves. I’m just saying that I have the right as a human being to post on my blog about depression, phobias, OCD and whatever else I might want to talk about.

If you want to stick to my happier posts, go ahead and do it. But if you start talking shit about me because I post about my mental diseases, I’ll be pissed off (just like if you make fun of me or something because of my orientation).

There once was a time where the clique I belonged to on the web was that of Titanic fans. I had my fan site (on Geocities, of course) and posted on other people’s tagboards (nobody had another sort of comment system on their sites, except if they were on LiveJournal).

Now I’m working on some little project of mine and for the occasion I dugg into old sites of mine (which are still on my computer) and found some way old sites that are still working! They haven’t been updated for ages and they look ugly as hell, but they are still there!

Christa’s Titanic Gallery was one of the cool places to get images from the movie. Warning: the site loads extremely slowly. Images look really small, but note two things. First, back then, most people had much smaller resolutions. 800×600 was probably the most popular, and there were certainly people with 640×480 (there are still some today, but they are mostly hiding from shame). Second, it was not yet the age of DVDs. Most people bought VHSs. I remember when DVDs came out and they were the expensive things the privileged ones bought…

A careful eye might also have noticed how few coding errors are actually in the site because it doesn’t even use crappy tables or something like that

I’m going back to the good old days now…

I’ll soon be moving the site…once I get my ass to contacting my future host.

I still have problems getting my entries posted correctly, whence the incomplete last post. I have a full copy on my computer.