Dream

I haven’t been dead, on vacation or anything. I was on this goddamn black and silver machine for as many hours as before. Last Saturday, I learned that V is going out with the girl he loves. It completely…broke me. It was just too much for me to take, and I went in a depressive phase. I didn’t feel like posting another of those the-world-is-dark entries, so I simply pulled back from this site, as well as some message boards I used to visit every day, and I started playing stupid flash games endlessly.

I had very dark thoughts, and very dark dreams. And the person who pulled me back from these wasn’t my own little broken self, but V himself, telling me of his own past as a down person and of how he had gotten over it. So here I am, still a bit shaken, still jealous, still a bit sad, but alive and with uncut veins. I don’t have much to say, apart from thanking him again (I already thanked him in real life and he doesn’t read my blog, but who cares?) for listening to me complaining all the fucking time.

I am — finally — trying to make so that all of my subpages, without being powered by WordPress, will keep its sidebar. I’m still getting a mess on the right, so until I fix that, please bear with the weird behavior of the footer.

Edit: This has been fixed now.

Actually, I believe I am, to a certain extent. My psychoeducator has made me reduce my time on the computer and wants me to get a job. This second part isn’t exactly easy. Everyone wants someone to be a salesperson or something like this. I suck majorly at this type of job. Of course, it’s better for me to get a job where I have to interact with people, but it’s not a reason to do something I’m not even able to do.

I’m still working on the revamping of this site. I have a lot of content done, but I still have a lot more to do. Spending less time on the computer doesn’t help.

I have dermatitis (skin inflammation), which is quite unpleasant. I blame it on my nervosity, due to my therapy, my moving to Montreal in early September and my lack of seeing V and Marie. I just searched Google for it and I find mine to be actually quite pretty.

I finally successfully installed BellaBook! Spam word protection works now! Yay me!

Note: the only error I did, I believe, was forgetting to CHMOD the txt files to 666 before starting to add bad words.

I just upgraded to WordPress 2.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.3 or maybe a little less zeros?

I am not doing a lot of updates because I am working on redoing the content entirely, mostly my writings and the section about me. I’m also waisting a lot of time redoing my fanlistings with 75×50 buttons. I still have over 1200 to do. Yay me.

I’m going to apply for some more fanlistings. Over 200 of those I have joined are now inexistent. I’m not going to make all of them, of course, but still some.

I also need money. The problem is, to get money, you need a job. I thought I could sell drugs, but that would require me to work along with other people, which I wish I could avoid.

Edit. I am looking at very old websites of mine that no longer are online or have never been — the latter being quite comforting — and I found my very old tutorial site, never uploaded, that looks like crap because everything is so pale and unreadable. I found a little quote that traumatized me for the rest of my life. I once have written:

Then open a new Internet window (Explorer is WAY better than Netscape).